Where is that serial killer?

Single, at 45. That's not really the picture I had for myself.

In my 20's and 30's, there seemed to be a endless supply of eligible men. As my 30's inched toward 40, I noticed that something changed. Where once there were handsome, intelligent, interesting men-seemed to now be a banquet of left-over men.  Being the thrift minded woman that I am -wondered if it was possible that one womans trash is another woman's treasure? Were there so many discarded men from marriages that had gone south, that women of my age, desperate to find companionship, have scooped them all up? Are we having a deficit in the male population? Gas prices are rising, incomes are deflating. Quality men appear to be drying up as quickly as the economy.

I read a statistic that stuck with me. It was from one of those "self-help" books that are disappearing off the shelves of supermarkets, as women try to find the answer to a myriad of life's problems. As I read through the pages, out pops a message that I am sure was intended for me. "Women have a better chance of being killed by a serial killer than finding love after the age of 40"... I am speechless. Who,volunteered to be a part of that study? (Most likely, someone fed up with dating after 40!)

I decided, and I make so many good decisons, that I needed to do some research. Have I spent the last eight years looking at men as potential partners, when I should have been looking for my serial killer?

I am not a man-hater. Before you decide that this is one of "those" blogs and start sending me hate mail, you should read on. I have baggage. I have paid enormous fees for all the baggage that I have. In fact, I am exhausted by the cimulative consequences of a lifetime of hasty choices and chaotic passions. Yet, I still find myself being in love with the same man for the past 20 years. We were married, and then we were not. I can't tell you what happened, I don't know. He doesn't know. He remains, to this day, my best friend. I will always be in love with him.

So why then, am I doing this, whatever this blog turns out to be? Well, my best friend, we can call her Ethel, thinks I need to find someone to share my life with- "Why don't you try one of those dating sites, internet dating, I hear people find husbands there!" This, coming from my dearest friend who has a husband. My boys have started dropping not so subtle hints, they don't think I should be alone. Yet another milestone in my life I guess, my kids want me to find someone so they won't have to care for me in my older age and, they are sick of resetting my electronic gadgets that I can never seem to get to work right.  It's simple and yet complicated. Much like I am.

I gave Match.com a try, I have looked at Harmony.com and all of the other ridicilous sites- they all seem to have one thing in common. The people on the commercials look nothing like the offerings on the sites! Call me shallow, but think about it,  we eat with our eyes first!

So, here I go! Off to see where this adventure takes me. You are welcome to come along. Maybe it will make you think twice before scrapping those leftovers.